Is Your Teenager Depressed?
How can parents safeguard their kids from severe depression? Find resources for helping kids develop positive mental health!
A teenaged boy recently told me, “Thoughts about suicide are never far away from people my age. They see it as a solution.” I was startled. We look at young people with age and health on their side and wonder how they can be depressed to the point of atempting suicide.
Suicide can be the extreme outcome of a person feeling useless and helpless against the onslaught of life. Not all depressed teens attempt suicide, but many of them consider it. How can we build optimism and coping skills into our teenagers?
Be in touch with your teen’s ups and downs. Know the signs of depression:Hope for Teens(Really excellent site!)Depression is often anger that has gone underground. Help your child to manage anger appropriately:Quench The Embers of AngerYou may not be an expert on all teenagers, but you have known your child from birth. You observe his temperament, his moods, his responses. You have the first opportunity to recognize warning signs and help him cope with problems.
I am not a mental health expert. But as a minister’s wife, I have an opportunity to observe the inner workings of many families. My husband and I counsel families about everything from marital problems to child-rearing and job seeking. As an alert observer, I can report trends.
Depressed parents create depressed kids. Your children naturally adopt your outlook on life. They listen to your interpretation of circumstances. Everyone experiences stress and loss. Some people thrive in spite of severe setbacks, while others become bogged in every minor irritation. Often, the difference relates to the personal belief system of parents.
We can’t stop bad things from happening to our children. Illnes, death and divorce are often beyond our control. Events happen in life that rightly cause us sadness and grief. We can give our kids coping skills as we learn to wield these tools ourselves.
Faith makes a difference! Dig into Scripture. Attend church. Nourish your spiritual self. It’s frightening to feel alone in a nonsensical universe. As a believer in Christ, I’ve found the answer that makes sense. As parents we have a chance to demonstrate that God is involved in every situation. Instead of getting angry or sulky, we can pray. One of my favorite Psalms is, “Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” I would like to paraphrase, “Some trust in counseling, medication, and even their minister; we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” No program for mental health can truly work if dependent upon people and ingenuity alone. I have seen folks get well when they trust the Being who has more resources than they have. God makes a difference! No one takes more care for your mental health and your teenager’s mental health than God. He created you, and you belong to Him. Get to know Him. Then trust Him!
Expand your network. Did your family desert you? Create a new family. I see adults lonely and broken-hearted because of events that happened in their childhoods. They pass this pain on to their children. The world is full of lonely people. Find someone who needs you! Teach your children to need and love others. Are you embedding bad coping techniques in your kids? Do you unwittingly communicate that bitterness and unforgiveness are strengths, that getting even is better than getting angry? This will harm your child. Loving connections are healthy.
Other experiences that can depress young people include the performance pressure they put on themselves. They might be working, playing sports,and trying to earn good grades above and beyond their time and ability. Teens also expect instant gratification. They need to learn to set long-range goals. Small achievements should be cause for celebration.
Also, teens expect a lot from relationships. Crushes can get them down. What adults consider “puppy love” are the end-all and be-all of the teenage life. Parents need to be careful not to trivialize their teen’s feelings, because “the love is real to the puppy.” But we can help our kids to form healthy relationships, to grow and allow others to grow.
Sometimes, investing in the lives of others is a great anti-depressant. Adopt a ministry. Work in a library or soup kitchen. Go to a Crisis Pregnancy Center. Read to Seniors at a nursing home, or to children at a children’s center. Take your teenagers with you. Help them to realize that they are needed. A needed person with a calling has no time to be depressed. Some of the most vibrant individuals I know are senior widow ladies who refuse to be alone just because their mates have passed away and their children have grown up. They mentor others, volunteer in hospitals, and spread love and optimism to everyone they encounter. I have found that teens involved in ministry grow far beyond their personal abilities. They learn to focus on the problems of other folks, and their own concerns sometimes seem to evaporate. See Volunteering with Teens
Say nice things to yourself. God loves you–love yourself! Love your spouse and your children. Saying words of tenderness and affirmation make their day. Try praying scripture. Visualize victory! Psalm 20:4 and 5 say, “May He grant you your heart’s desire, and fulfill all you counsel! We will sing for joy over your victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.” Have a “banner celebration” to mark progress. Make joy and praise a way of life.